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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Miami Heat Don’t Have Heart To Tell Devoted Fans They Lost NBA Finals

MIAMI—While admitting that getting it over with quickly would have been the best thing to do, members of the Miami Heat confirmed Tuesday that they simply can’t bring themselves to tell their fans the team lost the NBA Finals. “I know this is the kind of thing they deserve to hear directly from us, but it would just crush them,” said power forward LeBron James, adding that he doubted he would even be able to look fans in the eye while completely blindsiding them with the devastating news that the Heat fell to the San Antonio Spurs in five games. “They were so ecstatic after the last two championships—I mean, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces when we told them—so I just don’t want to be the one to break their hearts like this. Maybe Chris [Bosh] can do it; they already hate him anyway.” At press time, Heat players had reportedly agreed to just say they had won the championship since their fans would never know the difference.

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