adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Miami Heat Don’t Have Heart To Tell Devoted Fans They Lost NBA Finals

MIAMI—While admitting that getting it over with quickly would have been the best thing to do, members of the Miami Heat confirmed Tuesday that they simply can’t bring themselves to tell their fans the team lost the NBA Finals. “I know this is the kind of thing they deserve to hear directly from us, but it would just crush them,” said power forward LeBron James, adding that he doubted he would even be able to look fans in the eye while completely blindsiding them with the devastating news that the Heat fell to the San Antonio Spurs in five games. “They were so ecstatic after the last two championships—I mean, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces when we told them—so I just don’t want to be the one to break their hearts like this. Maybe Chris [Bosh] can do it; they already hate him anyway.” At press time, Heat players had reportedly agreed to just say they had won the championship since their fans would never know the difference.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close