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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Miami Heat Spend Entire Plane Ride To Game 1 Planning Victory Parade

OKLAHOMA CITY—Sources within the Miami Heat organization reported Tuesday that the Eastern Conference champions spent their entire flight to Oklahoma City planning their NBA championship victory parade. "We should each get our own victory float with our own music, and the whole city will come out for the biggest celebration Miami's ever seen," Chris Bosh told his teammates 24 hours before the tipoff for Game 1 of the Finals, as Udonis Haslem eagerly joined in to describe all the beautiful bikini-clad who would be dancing throughout South Beach. "Then when we get to the stage, fireworks go off while we just spray champagne all over. God, I wish it were next week already so we could just start the victory party." Moments before the flight landed at Will Rogers World Airport, head coach Erik Spoelstra demanded his players settle down, be quiet, and focus on how cool it would be if he arrived in a helicopter to deliver the Larry O'Brien Trophy to the rest of the team on a big stage.

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