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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Miami Heat Spend Entire Plane Ride To Game 1 Planning Victory Parade

OKLAHOMA CITY—Sources within the Miami Heat organization reported Tuesday that the Eastern Conference champions spent their entire flight to Oklahoma City planning their NBA championship victory parade. "We should each get our own victory float with our own music, and the whole city will come out for the biggest celebration Miami's ever seen," Chris Bosh told his teammates 24 hours before the tipoff for Game 1 of the Finals, as Udonis Haslem eagerly joined in to describe all the beautiful bikini-clad who would be dancing throughout South Beach. "Then when we get to the stage, fireworks go off while we just spray champagne all over. God, I wish it were next week already so we could just start the victory party." Moments before the flight landed at Will Rogers World Airport, head coach Erik Spoelstra demanded his players settle down, be quiet, and focus on how cool it would be if he arrived in a helicopter to deliver the Larry O'Brien Trophy to the rest of the team on a big stage.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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