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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Miami Heat Spend First Two Weeks Of Training Camp Practicing Pregame Introductions

HURLBURT FIELD, FL—After two weeks of intense twice-a-day practices, sources within the Miami Heat organization are reporting that players are already in midseason pregame introduction form. "We spent the first week working on the basics, mostly running out of the tunnel, jumping into one another, and rocking back and forth in a big circle," said newly acquired forward Chris Bosh, still catching his breath Tuesday from a high-five/low-five drill. "But working with guys like LeBron [James] and Dwyane [Wade], it's amazing how quickly we got the feel for one another's preferences. Like just yesterday, Wade and I caught eyes in practice and I instinctively knew he was going to jump into the ring of us starters, and that we should all explode like he was a missile crashing into us." Bosh added that while the Heat is firing on all cylinders, team members are in no position to get complacent, as they could always find more ways to incorporate flames into the introduction.

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