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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Miami Heat Unable To Tell If Congratulations Are Sarcastic Or Not

MIAMI—After eliminating the Indiana Pacers to reach the NBA finals for the third consecutive year, Miami Heat players were reportedly struggling Monday to determine whether those congratulating them on their victory were being sarcastic. “When people tell me this was an inspiring win by a team with real integrity, I want to believe them, but it’s hard to tell sometimes,” said shooting guard Dwyane Wade, who was unsure how to interpret comments such as the Heat’s dominance is “very, very impressive” and “a great thing for the NBA.” “One guy came up to me after the game and said I was his favorite player on his absolute favorite NBA team, and then he claimed our team was ‘built the right way.’ He was sort of smiling, but I don’t know if he was being sincere. He also said we should be ‘real proud of what we accomplished’ and then added a second ‘real proud,’ which makes me think he didn’t actually mean it.” At press time, Heat players reportedly realized that anyone claiming to be happy to see Mario Chalmers back in the finals was definitely being sarcastic.

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