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Miami Heat Unable To Tell If Congratulations Are Sarcastic Or Not

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Miami Heat Unable To Tell If Congratulations Are Sarcastic Or Not

MIAMI—After eliminating the Indiana Pacers to reach the NBA finals for the third consecutive year, Miami Heat players were reportedly struggling Monday to determine whether those congratulating them on their victory were being sarcastic. “When people tell me this was an inspiring win by a team with real integrity, I want to believe them, but it’s hard to tell sometimes,” said shooting guard Dwyane Wade, who was unsure how to interpret comments such as the Heat’s dominance is “very, very impressive” and “a great thing for the NBA.” “One guy came up to me after the game and said I was his favorite player on his absolute favorite NBA team, and then he claimed our team was ‘built the right way.’ He was sort of smiling, but I don’t know if he was being sincere. He also said we should be ‘real proud of what we accomplished’ and then added a second ‘real proud,’ which makes me think he didn’t actually mean it.” At press time, Heat players reportedly realized that anyone claiming to be happy to see Mario Chalmers back in the finals was definitely being sarcastic.

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