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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Miami Marlins Construction Crew Completely Unaware They've Been Building Baseball Stadium

MIAMI—Speaking with reporters while putting the finishing touches on Miami's new stadium Saturday, construction workers at Marlins Park admitted they had no idea what the structure would be used for, despite having built baseball stadiums in the past. "We installed a big pool back there, so maybe all the seats are for people waiting in line to swim?" said foreman Frank Davies, sealing one of the large, inexplicable dual aquarium tanks behind home plate. "But there's that giant rainbow thing with the pink flamingos we built at the edge of the grass that sometimes lights up and moves like a windmill, so I'd say my best guess is this is a really big miniature golf hole or a theme park for disabled children." Major League Baseball has yet to rule the field fit for play, as the stadium has no traditional dugouts, Marlins management having opting instead for two giant sets of wax lips.

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