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Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Michael Jackson Deposed As King Of Pop In Hitless Coup

LOS ANGELES— After a two-decade reign as King Of Pop, Michael Jackson was overthrown Tuesday in a hitless coup. "Following the lackluster performance of Invincible and its mildly received 'You Rock My World' single, Michael has lost the support of the populace necessary to maintain his throne," said Billboard magazine pop-political analyst Daniel Farrior. "To be honest, it's amazing he held onto his kingship after Blood On The Dance Floor." Upon learning of the coup, millions of music fans stormed the nation's music stores, carrying off armloads of CDs by artists other than Jackson.

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