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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Michael Jeffreyton Wishes Screenwriter Had Given Him More Believable Name

LOS ANGELES—Speaking from his two-story, picket-fenced house on Oak Street, movie character Michael Jeffreyton told reporters Thursday that he has lately begun wishing that the screenwriter who created him had given him a more believable name. “‘Michael Jeffreyton’? It sounds like he just took the first name that popped into his head and went with it,” said Jeffreyton, who sources confirmed is handsome, fit, and drives a red convertible sports car to his job downtown as a lawyer. “I mean, I understand not wanting to name me Joe Smith or Dave Johnson or something, but Jeffreyton? That’s like a fake name a kid would make up. It’s bad enough we live in a town called Sunnyville.” At press time, Jeffreyton was letting out an audible, exhausted sigh at the thought of having to bond with his son Bobby that evening over yet another friendly game of basketball in the driveway.

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