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Michael Jordan Accidentally Leaves For Honeymoon With One Of His Mistresses

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Michael Jordan Accidentally Leaves For Honeymoon With One Of His Mistresses

PALM BEACH, FL—Following an extravagant wedding ceremony attended by hundreds of famous guests, former NBA star Michael Jordan inadvertently left for his honeymoon with one of his mistresses, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Damn it, I’m never going to hear the end of this shit,” said Jordan, who reportedly noticed that the woman sitting next to him on a private jet bound for Viceroy, Anguilla was not his new bride Yvette Prieto. “Christ, she’s going to be so pissed when she finds out I spent our two-week honeymoon with Candy.” At press time, Jordan had reportedly told his mistress that he regretted not going on his honeymoon with the “sexy, young” waitress from the wedding reception.

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