adBlockCheck

Michael Jordan Accidentally Leaves For Honeymoon With One Of His Mistresses

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

Holidays

Michael Jordan Accidentally Leaves For Honeymoon With One Of His Mistresses

PALM BEACH, FL—Following an extravagant wedding ceremony attended by hundreds of famous guests, former NBA star Michael Jordan inadvertently left for his honeymoon with one of his mistresses, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Damn it, I’m never going to hear the end of this shit,” said Jordan, who reportedly noticed that the woman sitting next to him on a private jet bound for Viceroy, Anguilla was not his new bride Yvette Prieto. “Christ, she’s going to be so pissed when she finds out I spent our two-week honeymoon with Candy.” At press time, Jordan had reportedly told his mistress that he regretted not going on his honeymoon with the “sexy, young” waitress from the wedding reception.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close