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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Michael Jordan Hires Patrick Ewing As Bobcats Assistant Coach To Watch Him Lose More

CHARLOTTE, NC—Bobcats owner Michael Jordan announced Wednesday that he has officially hired Patrick Ewing as the team’s assistant coach purely to watch the former New York Knicks center lose more. “I’m thrilled to add Patrick to the coaching staff, and I am very happy to once again be the person responsible for Patrick losing game after game after game,” said Jordan, adding that much like their heated rivalry in the 1990s, Jordan will have a front-row seat to watch Ewing consistently fail on the basketball court. “I’m incredibly confident that with our roster of players, and under the tutelage of our head coach, Steve Clifford, Patrick will be frustrated, upset, and constantly question whether or not his team is good enough to reach the playoffs, let alone win an NBA Title. Putting him through that kind psychological torment again couldn’t excite me more.” Sources later confirmed Jordan was also in negotiations to bring on former Cleveland Cavaliers guard Craig Ehlo so that he could “make that guy’s life a living hell all over again too.”

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