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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Michael Jordan Hires Patrick Ewing As Bobcats Assistant Coach To Watch Him Lose More

CHARLOTTE, NC—Bobcats owner Michael Jordan announced Wednesday that he has officially hired Patrick Ewing as the team’s assistant coach purely to watch the former New York Knicks center lose more. “I’m thrilled to add Patrick to the coaching staff, and I am very happy to once again be the person responsible for Patrick losing game after game after game,” said Jordan, adding that much like their heated rivalry in the 1990s, Jordan will have a front-row seat to watch Ewing consistently fail on the basketball court. “I’m incredibly confident that with our roster of players, and under the tutelage of our head coach, Steve Clifford, Patrick will be frustrated, upset, and constantly question whether or not his team is good enough to reach the playoffs, let alone win an NBA Title. Putting him through that kind psychological torment again couldn’t excite me more.” Sources later confirmed Jordan was also in negotiations to bring on former Cleveland Cavaliers guard Craig Ehlo so that he could “make that guy’s life a living hell all over again too.”

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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