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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Michael Jordan Mulling Return To Craps Table

LAS VEGAS—Having walked away following nine heart-pounding rounds, sources confirmed Tuesday night that former Chicago Bulls guard Michael Jordan is considering a return to the craps table at the Bellagio casino. “Sometimes a guy like that needs to step away for a while and refresh, but craps has always been such a big part of him that it was hard to believe he was leaving for good,” frequent Bellagio guest Anthony Miano said of Jordan, whose trip to the bar also reportedly included a brief but unremarkable stint playing blackjack. “He’s up $5,000, so he’s still in pretty good shape. I hope he comes back, because everybody at the table agrees the game just hasn’t been the same without him.” Miano then wistfully recalled watching Jordan bravely refuse to leave the casino’s daylong poker tournament despite battling a 102-degree fever.

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