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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Michael Phelps

Swimming — Baltimore, Maryland

Swimming Style: Faster, better than everyone

Special Skills: Can hold breath for entire Olympics

Favorite Place To Swim: Water

Childhood: Financial restraints forced him to compete in older sister’s one-piece until he was 16

Controversy: Disgraced family, fans after footage surfaced of him hosting Saturday Night Live

NEXT: LeBron James

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