adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Michael Phelps Asks Bob Costas If He Wins Or Loses Tonight

LONDON—Following a morning interview with Bob Costas, American swimmer Michael Phelps is reported to have surreptitiously asked the NBC anchor how well he does in tonight’s 200-meter individual medley final. “I know you guys know the results of these things before you air them, and I know you’re not supposed to say anything, but how do I do? Do I get a medal?” Phelps was overheard asking Costas in hushed tones, adding that if Costas told him the results of the forthcoming event, he promised not to say a word. “At least tell me what my time is. Is it a world record? A personal record? How does Ryan [Lochte] do? Am I leading after the first lap?” According to sources, Costas declined to talk about the swimming results, but privately assured Phelps that he would “not want to miss a second” of the 2:30 p.m. men’s handball preliminary match between Croatia and Hungary.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close