adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Michael Phelps' Name To Be Mentioned Six Times Following Olympics

NEW YORK—Once the euphoria accompanying his remarkable eight Olympic gold medals subsides later this month, Michael Phelps will be mentioned by name only half a dozen more times throughout human history, experts confirmed Tuesday. "Oh, there will be some endorsements, and he'll be brought up a couple times during the London games, and naturally we can't rule out trivia questions," said Marita Sturken, a media and culture expert at New York University. "But in the end, Mike Phillips will be just another footnote in history." An informal survey of prominent newspapers, websites, and magazines found that mentions of the once-prominent swimmer's name are already becoming scarce, especially towards the conclusion of shorter articles.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close