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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Michael Phelps Using Rosetta Stone To Brush Up On His English

LONDON—Coaches and teammates confirmed Friday that U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has spent the past month studying with Rosetta Stone software in an effort to brush up on his English-language skills, which have grown rusty after several years of disuse.

Bob Bowman, who has coached the swimmer since 1996, said that with Phelps' limited grasp of the language it would be difficult, if not impossible, for the Olympian to have an entire conversation in English while visiting London. Bowman, however, was confident that if Phelps continued to train hard he might yet be able to ask directions or order food at a restaurant.

"I've worked with Michael for years, and he’s always had a hard time speaking English,” said Bowman, adding that while Phelps was at the Olympics he would more than likely have to rely heavily on a Berlitz phrase book. "He's really trying his best to learn the language. He’s getting a lot better at saying things like 'boy,' 'dog,' and 'cat.'"

Spending three to four hours each day completing Rosetta Stone lessons, Phelps has thus far learned nearly 50 vocabulary words. However, the winner of 14 gold medals was initially only able to recall simple English greetings such as "hi" and "hey" as well as the affirmative declaration "yes."

Fellow Team USA swimmer Ryan Lochte told reporters he was impressed with Phelps' dedication to learning conversational English, adding that as recently as last month, Phelps communicated primarily through physical gestures, facial expressions, and pointing rather than speech.

"Outside of swimming competitions, I've never seen Michael so focused on anything," Lochte said. "Rosetta Stone has been good for him, because it starts out really slow, and he likes the pictures and sounds."

"It's great to see him trying to say actual words," Lochte added.

According to Lochte, Phelps had also practiced by conversing with people fluent in English, but often failed to comprehend what they were saying, complaining that they either talked too fast or used too many words.

"Michael always has this blank, confused look on his face as soon as another person starts speaking, and you can tell when you've completely lost him," Lochte said. "He's really baffled by numbers, but recently I heard him count all the way up to 25 without screwing up too bad."

Although Phelps has faced several setbacks while incorporating English into his daily life, the 27-year-old American athlete has reportedly remained eager to learn and become skilled at speaking, reading, and writing the language, having already mastered the phrase, "Hello, my name is Michael."

Phelps, who took some English classes in high school, said that he barely remembered anything from the courses and was struggling with grammar and syntax.

"Is verbs that hard," Phelps said during a press conference at Olympic Park, agreeing to demonstrate his refreshed knowledge after completing one disc of Rosetta Stone. "Elephant, lamp, walk, bathroom."

"Swim, swimmer," Phelps added.

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