adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Michael Waltrip Wins NASCAR's Sixth Cousin Award

RICHMOND, VA—NASCAR teams took a break Wednesday from practicing for the Crown Royal Dan Lowry 500 at Richmond International Speedway to honor NAPA Auto Parts driver Michael Waltrip with its Sixth Cousin Award, given every year to the driver who displays the best combination of driving talent and friendliness to his extended family. "I tell you what, without ol' Michael's talent coming off the porch for us this year, why, it just wouldn't be the same," said Carleton Franks, Waltrip's fourth-cousin-in-law twice removed, who presented him with the award. "Fr'instance, I still got me a leaf blower he loaned me, and he might'a mentioned it once or twice, in a remindin' fashion, but nothing I'd call pushy. To me, that's what NASCAR is all about." Some stock car insiders say that, while Michael Waltrip is not a bad cousin, he only received the award because his older brother, three-time NASCAR champion Darrel Waltrip, had been passed over so many times despite being equally eligible.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close