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Politics

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Michele Bachmann Figures Why Not, Introduces Homosexual-Beheading Bill

WASHINGTON—Saying that she’ll be gone soon anyway so she might as well, Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann introduced H.R. 259: The Homosexual Decapitation Act, which would give the United States government legal authority to behead any gay U.S. Citizen. “I figured, eh, why not; I’m not running for reelection in 2014, I have nothing to lose, and I’ve been sitting on this bill for nearly five years, so what’s it going to hurt to finally throw it into the mix,” Bachmann said of the piece of legislation which, if passed, would create Homosexual Decapitation Centers throughout the country where handcuffed gay people would be taken to have their heads chopped off. “I’m also planning on introducing a Hang All The Muslims bill, the Abortion Doctor Castration Act, and H.R. 264, which would allow me to rip the throat out of any citizen who doesn’t believe in creationism. Rip it out with my teeth.” At press time, every new piece of legislation introduced by Bachmann had received more than 10 Republican cosponsors.

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