Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Michele Bachmann Thankful No Americans Died In Sikh Shooting

WASHINGTON—In response to the shooting death of six Sikh worshippers at a temple in Oak Creek, WI yesterday, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) offered a public expression of her thankfulness that no Americans had been killed in the rampage. "It's a relief and a blessing that not a single American died in this event," Bachmann said of the incident that claimed the lives of six Americans who practice the Sikh faith. "All of us can be grateful for that. Had the gunman targeted a church or synagogue, this violent act could have been much, much worse. There's no telling how many Americans might have died." Bachmann concluded by calling on citizens nationwide to direct all their thoughts and prayers to the family of wounded police lieutenant Brian Murphy, who was shot multiple times while rushing to help victims.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close