adBlockCheck

Michelle Obama Opens Up In ‘Marie Claire’: ‘Our Sex Life Has Never Been More Open, More Experimental, More Generous’

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Michelle Obama Opens Up In ‘Marie Claire’: ‘Our Sex Life Has Never Been More Open, More Experimental, More Generous’

The first lady reveals in the new issue of Marie Claire that erotic role playing has helped the couple’s sex life tremendously.
The first lady reveals in the new issue of Marie Claire that erotic role playing has helped the couple’s sex life tremendously.

WASHINGTON—Sitting down for a candid interview with Marie Claire magazine last Thursday, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly opened up about her marriage to President Barack Obama, saying that their sex life “has never been more open, more experimental, or more generous.”

The first lady spoke at length with Marie Claire about the couple’s resurgent love life, revealing that after years of humdrum intimacy, a recent spike in the frequency and intensity of their lovemaking has resulted in the most satisfying and adventurous sex she has ever known.

“We’ve never been this talkative in bed,” the first lady said, adding that the couple has recently enjoyed a “raw hunger for each other” that’s amounted to “some of the most intense—desperate, even—sex [she’s] ever had.” “We’d been treading water for a while there, just going through the motions, but then something clicked. We just started having fun with it. Sometimes I’ll leave my heels on, and other times I’ll come out of the shower and Barack will be already lying in bed, naked.”

“We have this new rule right now—we’re not saying ‘I love you’ during sex,” Obama continued, explaining that there’s a freedom that comes with treating intercourse not like two lovers, but like two strangers who just want to “have a little fun.” “And it doesn’t have to be a big production every time. Sometimes we’ll just do oral, or we’ll only use our hands. Anything that breaks the routine.”

The first lady said that prior to attending the G20 Conference in Russia last month, President Obama suggested that they try role playing, an idea that sent the couple into a midlife sexual odyssey that included experimentation with sex toys, domination, submission play, and on one “admittedly boozy occasion,” the intimate company of a senior White House staffer.

“We’ve started playing around with choking,” the nation’s 51st first lady told Marie Claire. “And if it gets too rough, I just tell him to slow down. Slow can be really good.”

According to Obama, the couple fell into a rut during the president’s 2008 presidential run, when the stresses of the campaign turned the once passionate couple into roommates rather than lovers.

Obama said that while the two never stopped having sex, intercourse became stale, almost like a chore. And while both the president and the first lady were still having orgasms, the predictability of the sex wasn’t giving the first couple the kind of satisfaction they both craved.

“The thing is, Barack was always extremely sexual,” said Obama, sharing an anecdote when—while living in Chicago—they once found a private place in Jackson Park and had sex under a blanket. “But it was like we decided that the book was closed. We quit checking in, we let go of trying to make our sexual goals happen. For example, it had been a long time since I had a vaginal orgasm, and that used to be something that was really important to Barack—for me to get there.”

“Somewhere along the line we let that dream die, as well as the holy grail of having a simultaneous orgasm,” Obama continued. “That was upsetting. I remember I actually stopped masturbating for a while, because I started to feel like a less sexual, less desired person altogether.”

Obama noted that as a lover, the president is now 100% available emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and that he’s never been more attentive or celebratory of her body. In addition, the first lady confirmed that the president is going down on her more and that she loves it.

“We’ve been watching a lot of porn together, too, which is also a big turn-on,” Obama said. “I really like James Deen’s stuff, and fantasizing about my favorite scenes helps me get over the edge when I’m close. I don’t come every time, that’s just how it’s always been with me, but Barack’s learning not to take it out on himself when I don’t have an orgasm.”

Considering their packed schedules and grueling travel itineraries, coupled with raising two teenage daughters, the first lady said “daytime quickies in the Situation Room or the Oval are a lifesaver” and that finding out-of-the-bedroom locations has been a fun, erotic challenge.

“I surprised him on Marine One before he left for Sweden the other day, just to spice things up,” Obama said, adding that she gave him a little taste of what he’d be missing while he was gone by slipping her panties into his pocket before takeoff. “We use our time apart to rev up our engines. Barack knows I like to be bossed around, so before he went to Europe for the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership a few months ago, he said I wasn’t allowed to touch myself until he got back. That was really hot. And during this government shutdown he’s been using me as a release, and sometimes being used in bed—being treated like an object—is really sexy, you know?”

“Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint,” Obama added. “We’re riding a high right now, and I know it’ll dip again. That’s okay. That’s how it works. But for right now, I’m just enjoying this flood of hot, hungry sex with my husband.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close