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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Mickey Mouse Noticeably Avoids A-Rod During Trip To Disney World

ORLANDO, FL—Members of the Yankees couldn't help but notice that the resort's iconic mascot Mickey Mouse made a special effort to avoid Alex Rodriguez during the team's trip to Walt Disney World to celebrate its World Series victory. "I thought it was weird that whenever Alex would yell, 'Mickey, over here,' Mickey would just walk in the opposite direction," said teammate Johnny Damon, adding that he would never have noticed Mickey's many attempts to avoid the third baseman had Rodriguez not been following the cartoon character around with a little autograph book. "But then we had breakfast with the characters, and Mickey went around and hugged Derek [Jeter] and Mark [Teixeira], even our bullpen catcher. Then he just kind of peeled off when he got to A-Rod." Rodriguez was later seen having an intense, one-sided conversation with Rescue Rangers Chip and Dale about being a famous athlete living in New York City.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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