adBlockCheck

Local

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

‘You Would Have To Meet Him,’ Millions Say

WASHINGTON—Saying you’d understand what they were talking about the moment you laid eyes on him, the entire nation reported Monday that it was kind of hard to describe Mark and you’d just have to meet him.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.
End Of Section
  • More News

Microbrewer Trying To Work Dog Into Name Of New Seasonal Beer

SENECA, OR—Owner and founder of Fossil Bed Brewery Dave Walker, 39, reportedly struggled Saturday to find a way to work his 5-year-old Labrador retriever mix into the name of a new spiced winter ale. "I was going to just call it Puppy Weizen, but that's kind of impersonal, and technically it's not a wheat beer," said Walker, who has so far failed to find a name that captures both his pet's personality and the distinct raisin and pepper flavoring of the microbrew. "I have to do something to make it stand out on the shelf alongside Flying Dog, Sea Dog, Turbodog, Smuttynose Old Brown Dog, and Dogfish Head." At press time, Walker had yet to figure out how make his dog, Barley, a part of the beer’s name.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close