SHANGHAI—Proving to be just as flimsy and precarious as many observers had previously warned, the Chinese-made Shanghai Composite index completely collapsed Monday, sources confirmed.
BOISE, IDTuber researchers from the Western Root Vegetable Institute reported Monday that they have discovered a strain of microwave-resistant potatoes. "Natural and commercial selection has resulted in strains of potatoes that just won't nuke up," said Dr. Bernard Anderson, standing in front of a Radarange in which a test potato had been rotating unaltered for 90 minutes. "If this mutation proliferates, it could have disastrous implications for the nation's impatient." The new strain is the most significant potato mutation since the emergence of the "inedible" frying potato, which is still in use at most fast-food chains.