adBlockCheck

Local

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Cryptic New Laundry Room Rule Hints At Tale Of Bizarre Infraction

HOBOKEN, NJ—Pondering the mysterious circumstances that could have led to such a sign being posted, sources within a local apartment building said Thursday that an enigmatic new rule taped to the wall of their laundry room suggested a strange infraction had taken place.

Dad Gets Dolled Up For Trip To Lowe’s

DEMING, IN—Glancing in the mirror while clipping a measuring tape to his belt, area dad Roger Hobak reportedly got all gussied up Wednesday before making the 14-mile trip to his local Lowe’s Home Improvement store.

Unclear What Coworker With Banana On Desk All Day Waiting For

MINNEAPOLIS—Annoyed that the fruit was even now just sitting there next to his computer monitor, sources at data analytics firm Progressive Solutions told reporters Wednesday that it was unclear what coworker Kevin Tanner, who has had a banana on his desk all day, was waiting for.

Father Teaches Son How To Shave Him

ST. CLOUD, MN—Judging him old enough to learn the time-honored family tradition passed down from father to son, local man William Dalton, 47, taught his 12-year-old child, David, how to properly shave him, sources reported Friday.

Mom Just Wants To Watch Something Nice

NORRISTOWN, PA—Hoping to have a quiet, relaxing movie night at home with her family, local mother Allison Halstead told reporters Tuesday that she just wants to watch something nice.
End Of Section
  • More News

Middle-Age Center Provides Safe, Positive Place For Fortysomethings To Go After Work

Some of the neighborhood adults gather at the center to hang out, pay utility bills, or just watch Charles Gibson.
Some of the neighborhood adults gather at the center to hang out, pay utility bills, or just watch Charles Gibson.

OMAHA, NE—Responding to a need for after-work recreation and support programs for area adults, The Den, a local middle-age activity center, opened last month to provide a fun, encouraging environment where 40-to-60-year-olds can interact with others their own age.

Funded by a $1.2 million grant from the Omaha Adult Outreach Program for the purpose of "helping our middle-age community achieve its full potential," the new 14,000-square-foot facility offers an extensive library of self-help books, a large board-game room, an outdoor gardening area, dozens of comfortable couches and flat screen televisions, and a fully stocked liquor cabinet.

"It's really hard being a 47-year-old in this day and age," said Daniel Harger, 22, the center's administrative director. "A lot of folks we serve come from high-risk, single-parent households. We're here to reach out to them† and let them know they belong somewhere."

"When you hit middle age, it can feel like no one understands you, or even tries," Harger added. "Most of the adults who come in here are just looking for somebody to talk to."

Harger said the center welcomes all forty-somethings, but its staff makes sure to give extra attention to so-called latchkey adults, those who work eight-hour shifts and go home to an empty house.

Open Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. until 1 a.m., The Den encourages its members to express themselves creatively by taking part in scrapbook seminars, trivia contests, swing-dance lessons, and divorce counseling. The center also offers a series of free health classes that teach middle-aged students the importance of getting regular cholesterol tests and what to expect when they go for their first colonoscopy.

Glen Rohn, 44, a State Farm Insurance agent, said that before The Den opened there was "nothing to do in this town."

"I wish I was young enough to go to the bars, but I'm not," Rohn said. "It's cool to have a place where I can just be myself, drink a few beers, and play Scattergories with my friends."

Paula Lamberson, a 46-year-old mother of four, said the middle-age center appeals to her because it offers a safe haven where she can escape from pressures at home. Though she† feels smothered by family members who place unreasonable expectations upon her, Lamberson said she fits in at The Den.

"My family's always getting on my case about how I never buy the right kind of cereal at the grocery store or how I didn't do a good enough job on their diorama for history class," Lamberson said. "But my friends here appreciate me. They know what my favorite Josh Groban song is."

When not scheduling a Julia Roberts movie night or field trips to Gerald Ford's birth site, the staff at The Den is busy showing patrons how to set up their AOL accounts and download MP3s of Sting's latest album—not to mention helping them cope with those special challenges they begin to face in midlife.

"These adults may seem a little different because of their haircuts or the way they dress, but when you get to know them, they're actually pretty neat," said counselor Marcus Hughs, 21. "Most of the time they're just trying to deal with relationship problems, how they're going to pay for their kid's college tuition, or getting made fun of by teenagers."

"And of course, they're still getting accustomed to the changes their bodies are going through," Hughs added. "It not easy when your hormones start to simmer down and suddenly you don't have hair in the same places you used to."

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Dad Gets Dolled Up For Trip To Lowe’s

DEMING, IN—Glancing in the mirror while clipping a measuring tape to his belt, area dad Roger Hobak reportedly got all gussied up Wednesday before making the 14-mile trip to his local Lowe’s Home Improvement store.

Unclear What Coworker With Banana On Desk All Day Waiting For

MINNEAPOLIS—Annoyed that the fruit was even now just sitting there next to his computer monitor, sources at data analytics firm Progressive Solutions told reporters Wednesday that it was unclear what coworker Kevin Tanner, who has had a banana on his desk all day, was waiting for.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close