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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Miguel Cabrera Hits Dismal .194 In Fight With Wife

DETROIT—According to a local police report, Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera only connected on a pitiful 13 of 67 swings during an altercation with his wife Saturday, bringing his average down to .194 for the day, with a laughable .220 slugging percentage this month. "The guy'll swing at anything," Cabrera's wife, Rosangel, told reporters. "The truth is, he's been whiffing all year. When he does make contact, it's just a little dinker here and a dinker there." Though Cabrera continues to struggle, the scratches on his face indicate that his wife could be on pace to hit well over .400 this year.

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