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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Mike Brown Claims He Was Scapegoat For Cavaliers Terrible Coaching

CLEVELAND—In response to his recent firing, former Cavaliers head coach Mike Brown said at a press conference Wednesday that he was unfairly singled out and blamed for the team's horrendous coaching. "I hate to admit it, but they made me a scapegoat for the overall lack of leadership and inability to make in-game adjustments," Brown said. "It didn't seem to matter how hard I worked designing ineffective plays or putting the other team's inferior talent in a position to win, because they were going to make me the fall guy." Brown told reporters that executives in the Cavaliers front office should do some soul-searching and evaluate how their own poor performances led to the hiring of such a shitty-ass coach in the first place.

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