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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Mike D'Antoni Calls Phil Jackson To See If He's Interested In Lakers Head Coaching Job

LOS ANGELES—After losing the first two games of their first-round playoff series against the Spurs, Lakers coach Mike D’Antoni reportedly called Phil Jackson Friday to gauge his interest in the team’s head coaching job, sources confirmed. “Honestly, Phil, I think you’d be a really great fit here,” D’Antoni was overheard telling Jackson, adding that the championship-winning coach’s signature triangle offense would “really work wonders” for the team’s personnel. “You’re the type of guy these players would really respond to, and you’d have pretty much total free reign to institute your brand of basketball. If you want the job, it’s basically yours.” Sources confirmed that over the past two weeks, injured Lakers star Kobe Bryant has reportedly called Phil Jackson several times a day, pleading with him to take over as head coach.

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