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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Mike D'Antoni Excited To Finally Have Chance To Coach Lakers

LOS ANGELES—Heading into the final game of the NBA’s regular season, Lakers coach Mike D’Antoni told reporters Wednesday that he is thrilled to finally have the opportunity to actually coach the Los Angeles Lakers. “We have the right personnel in place now to allow me to install my system of offense, and I honestly couldn’t be happier with the roster at the moment,” said D’Antoni, adding that he’s been waiting a long time to be in charge of the Lakers basketball team and couldn’t be more excited to finally get started. “I know it’s late in the season, but I’m just happy that I can do what I was actually brought here to do.” Reached for comment, Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak revealed that D’Antoni will have approximately nine months before the team reevaluates his position as head coach.

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