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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Mike Holmgren Finally Admits To Friends That He's Working For Cleveland Browns

CLEVELAND—After asking friends and loved ones to assemble at his home so he could "finally come clean," Mike Holmgren made a tearful admission Sunday night, at last revealing he works for the Cleveland Browns and has been doing so for more than two years. "I know some of you probably feel angry that I've been hiding things from you, but I think you understand why I wouldn't want people to know about this," said Holmgren, choking up as he clutched the hand of his wife, who separated from him for a period after he confessed to her late last year. "And obviously, I did hide it. No, I didn't buy a house in Cleveland because I won a lifetime pass to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on the radio. And all those times I told you I was going to watch the Browns, it wasn't because I was scouting them. It was because I'm actually responsible for running the whole franchise." With the support of his friends, Holmgren agreed to seek help and next week will check himself into a rehab program located in the Packers' front office.

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