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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Mike Holmgren Finally Admits To Friends That He's Working For Cleveland Browns

CLEVELAND—After asking friends and loved ones to assemble at his home so he could "finally come clean," Mike Holmgren made a tearful admission Sunday night, at last revealing he works for the Cleveland Browns and has been doing so for more than two years. "I know some of you probably feel angry that I've been hiding things from you, but I think you understand why I wouldn't want people to know about this," said Holmgren, choking up as he clutched the hand of his wife, who separated from him for a period after he confessed to her late last year. "And obviously, I did hide it. No, I didn't buy a house in Cleveland because I won a lifetime pass to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on the radio. And all those times I told you I was going to watch the Browns, it wasn't because I was scouting them. It was because I'm actually responsible for running the whole franchise." With the support of his friends, Holmgren agreed to seek help and next week will check himself into a rehab program located in the Packers' front office.

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