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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Mike Holmgren Wondering If You've Ever Played Wide Receiver

SEATTLE—Desperate to fill his depleted receiving corps, Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren reportedly questioned every person he encountered Monday on their pass-catching ability, 40-yard dash times, and availability on Sunday afternoons. "If you've ever played wide receiver in college, high school, middle school, or even just in your backyard, come on down to Qwest Field for a tryout," Holmgren said, addressing reporters before inquiring about their hand size, vertical leap, route running, and knowledge of the West Coast offense. "You don't really need a lot of experience as long as you have a willingness to gain yards after the catch." Holmgren, who estimated that he has already interviewed over 500 possible wideouts at Seattle-area laundromats, gas stations, and coffee shops, has not ruled out suiting up himself this Sunday.

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