adBlockCheck

Sports

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mike Krzyzewski Leads Ragtag Band Of Rejects To Olympic Gold

LONDON—Defying the odds with a stunning 107-100 upset victory over Spain, hot shot coach Mike Krzyzewski led the hapless misfits on the U.S. men’s basketball team to Olympic gold Sunday, transforming the scraggly bunch of lovable losers into world champions in just one month. "When we started in July, not one of them knew how to shoot a free throw, Kevin [Durant] couldn’t even dribble a basketball without using both hands, and there wasn't a single player capable of passing, but they've really come a long way," said Krzyzewski, who reportedly made a breakthrough right before the team's first game when he finally taught the freaks, washouts, and spazzes to believe in themselves. "Sure they may be dorky, weird-looking, or unpopular, but we showed the Spanish what a team of really great friends can accomplish with hard work, a whole lot of heart, and a little luck." Krzyzewski said he now plans to go to Durham, NC, where he will try to guide the bumbling squad of dickheads on the Duke Blue Devils team to an improbable NCAA championship.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close