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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Mike Krzyzewski Leads Ragtag Band Of Rejects To Olympic Gold

LONDON—Defying the odds with a stunning 107-100 upset victory over Spain, hot shot coach Mike Krzyzewski led the hapless misfits on the U.S. men’s basketball team to Olympic gold Sunday, transforming the scraggly bunch of lovable losers into world champions in just one month. "When we started in July, not one of them knew how to shoot a free throw, Kevin [Durant] couldn’t even dribble a basketball without using both hands, and there wasn't a single player capable of passing, but they've really come a long way," said Krzyzewski, who reportedly made a breakthrough right before the team's first game when he finally taught the freaks, washouts, and spazzes to believe in themselves. "Sure they may be dorky, weird-looking, or unpopular, but we showed the Spanish what a team of really great friends can accomplish with hard work, a whole lot of heart, and a little luck." Krzyzewski said he now plans to go to Durham, NC, where he will try to guide the bumbling squad of dickheads on the Duke Blue Devils team to an improbable NCAA championship.

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