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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Mike McCarthy

STRENGTHS: Never-ending source of thrilling sound bites such as "We'll address that after the Super Bowl," "That's a nonissue for us," and "We're just here to play football"; known for wild offensive trickery such as the "fake handoff" and "wide-receiver screen pass"; carefully scripts touchdowns for first 15 plays

WEAKNESSES: Relies on an entirely different guy to do most his defense; becoming the next Norv Turner is still perfectly within his reach; calls several dozens plays a game and can't once call his mother?

COACHING PHILOSOPHY: Balances offense with mix of brilliant plays and boneheaded calls

CONTROVERSY: Got pretty fired up during the Favre controversy with a now infamous outburst of "Dang it all!" during a press conference

ENJOYS: Hiding face behind laminated play sheet and then popping up and yelling “peekaboo” to entertain younger Packers

NEXT: Packers Fans

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