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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Mike Mussina Convinced He's Won A World Series

NEW YORK—In an interview dealing with the highlights of his 18-year career, All-Star Yankee pitcher Mike Mussina seemed to believe that he has procured a World Series ring despite all evidence to the contrary."Sure I did, I helped put away the Mets back in 2000," said Mussina, who did not join the Yankees until the 2001 season. "Boy, was that a great team.Paulie [O'Neill], Tino [Martinez], [Scott] Bro[sius], and me... Ya know, I think Doc Gooden was on that team too. Just being on the field, letting that feeling of elation wash over me… That was the highlight of my career." Mussina went on to say that, to this day, he still values his Rookie of the Year award over any of his five Cy Youngs.

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