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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Mild-Mannered Reporter Suddenly Transforms Into Incredible Unemployed Man

KANSAS CITY, MO—Mere moments after stepping into his managing editor’s office as his unassuming alter ego, Pete Bates, a mild-mannered 36-year-old reporter for the Kansas City Star, emerged into the publication’s main newsroom as the amazing Unemployed Man, eyewitnesses confirmed Monday. According to reports, Bates underwent his remarkable transformation after a sobering discussion about market realities and declining circulation numbers, leading him to discard his humble day-to-day identity characterized by his black-frame eyeglasses, a timid persona, and 12 years on the city government beat, and reappear before a gathering crowd of coworkers as the Unemployed Man, complete with extensive powers of severance pay and COBRA health coverage eligibility. Sources told reporters that the Unemployed Man utilized his lightning speed to pack up his belongings and carry them out the front door by the end of the workday, while also drawing upon his extraordinary powers of strength and invulnerability to look the rest of the editorial staff in the eyes and say his goodbyes without openly weeping in front of them. Within seconds of completing the task, the Unemployed Man is said to have swiftly disappeared from the scene, leaving only shocked and dazed onlookers behind. Upon receiving word of the Unemployed Man’s situation, sources confirmed that his arch-nemesis, the Viral Man—operating from deep within his News Aggregator Lair—smiled, nodded, and said that all was proceeding according to plan.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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