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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Mildfires Amble Through California

OJAI, CA—A series of mildfires ambled casually through California this week, lazily threatening nearby homes, warming helpless wildlife, and cozying up to almost everything in its path. "We barely evacuated our home in time," said resident Paul Krempel, whose backyard has been threatened by the loitering fire for days. "First, the boxes we ordered arrived a day late, and then there was a mix-up at the van rental place, which took forever. Plus, Margaret had to go pick up the kids from soccer practice before we could really start packing. It was definitely a close call." Firefighters have rushed to the scene of the mellow inferno and are currently sitting around it in lawn chairs, exchanging old stories and telling jokes.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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