Military Recruiter Upset Area Man Hasn't Called Him Back

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 26

Psychopaths Behave Like Stroke Victims

A University of Wisconsin study found that when prisoners exhibiting psychopathic tendencies played decision-making games, they used the same strategies as people who had suffered strokes or brain tumors.

Advertising On License Plates?

The State of California is currently considering a plan to issue digital license plates that would display advertising when a car is stopped for more than four seconds.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...


Military Recruiter Upset Area Man Hasn't Called Him Back

EAST ST. LOUIS, MO—Army Staff Sergeant Declan Morris announced that he has "no idea what to think" concerning potential recruit Justin Flannerty's continuing refusal to return Morris' phone calls. "I admit I'm hurt," he said. "Perhaps I came on too strong with the whole money-for-college thing. But I was just trying to be honest." He buried his head in his hands and continued: "Oh, Sgt. Morris, you idiot! That's what second visits are for." Unsure about "the right time" to call Flannerty back, Morris is considering "forgetting the whole thing" and moving on to a new recruit.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More