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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate

NEW YORK—Following tonight’s debate between President Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney, millions of Americans took to the Internet to read the views and responses of others so that they themselves could ultimately figure out how they felt about the candidates’ performances. “I need to see what complete and total strangers are saying on Twitter and Facebook, read what the political pundits on CNN.com are writing, and then maybe I can reach my own conclusion about the debate I just watched,” said Raleigh, NC resident Jarrod Kakofski, adding that while he has a “gut feeling” about who won the contest, he would rather see if those thoughts are supported by political analysts and other online commentators “just in case [his] opinion ends up being wrong.” “I won’t be able to offer any ideas about the candidates’ policy proposals, body language, or overall relatability until I get online and am told which person I was supposed to like most.” Viewers nationwide also confirmed they would need to consult The Huffington Post before deciding what they thought about the performance of debate moderator Candy Crowley.

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