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Millions Of Dollars Of Scientific Research Helps Gatorade Create New Peach Flavor

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Millions Of Dollars Of Scientific Research Helps Gatorade Create New Peach Flavor

BARRINGTON, IL—According to scientists at Gatorade's Sports Science Institute, the nearly $90 million and approximately 40,000 man-hours the corporation invested over the course of the last five years has resulted in a new peach-flavored Gatorade. "We used all of our available technology here at the GSSI, including our exercise sensorium, the biochemistry lab, an aerospace-grade centrifuge, gas chromatography of our original 1965 formula modified to accept artificial peach flavor, an experimental nanotechnological beverage laminar flowbench, and most important, a performance lab where we paid [Pittsburgh Penguins center] Sidney Crosby $12 million to ride a stationary bike uphill for 30 minutes, take a sip of the drink, and then fill out a comprehensive questionnaire in which he was asked if the substance tasted like peach or not," GSSI director Dr. Robert Murray told reporters Monday. "This is a huge technical and financial leap forward from the process we used to develop Gatorade blue, orange, yellowish-green, and dark blue." Upon taking a sip of the new drink after three "intense and exhausting" hours of playing Grand Theft Auto IV last Tuesday, Cleveland resident Sean Colgrave said the new flavor tasted "fine."

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