Milwaukee Bucks Find Perfectly Good Shaq At Play It Again Sports

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Vol 45 Issue 41

Community Gives Up Following Tragedy

FORT SCOTT, KS—"Honestly, I don't see the people of Fort Scott looking to one another for solace during this trying time, or really looking to one another for anything ever again," said mayor Thomas Dietrich.

Parents Against Swine Flu Vaccine

An Associated Press poll shows that 38 percent of all parents do not want their children vaccinated against the H1N1 virus, or swine flu. What do...

God Introduces New Bird

THE HEAVENS—Available in two colors­—male and female—the bird reportedly combines everything God has learned from His previous works into one "new twist on an old classic."
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Holiday

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Milwaukee Bucks Find Perfectly Good Shaq At Play It Again Sports

MILWAUKEE—While shopping for used equipment at a local Play It Again Sports franchise Tuesday, Bucks general manager John Hammond reportedly came across a mildly damaged Shaq in good working condition next to a bin filled with old tennis balls. "There's definitely been a little wear and tear, and it doesn't look so great, but for $20, I really couldn't pass it up," Hammond said. "The last couple owners didn't really take very good care of it, but it's more than good enough for the Bucks." Guard Michael Redd later told reporters he wished Hammond had purchased a basketball instead, saying that he was tired of practicing jump shots with a rolled-up sock.

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