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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Milwaukee Fans Urge Bucks To Stop Blocking View Of Miami Heat

MILWAUKEE—While attending Thursday’s first-round playoff matchup between the Miami Heat and the Milwaukee Bucks, frustrated fans repeatedly urged their hometown team to stop blocking their view of the visiting Heat squad, sources confirmed. “Hey, get out of the way!” shouted Bucks season ticket holder Gary Bolden, who later told reporters he didn’t want Milwaukee players like Monta Ellis and Ersan Ilyasova obstructing his view of Miami superstars LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Ray Allen. “Come on, I paid good money for these seats! Go to the other side of the court and stop playing defense so I can watch these guys dunk! Oh, cool, you’re letting them dunk.” At press time, Bolden was attempting to get a better look at the Miami Heat by moving to one of the many vacant seats in the largely empty Milwaukee arena.

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