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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Milwaukee Fans Urge Bucks To Stop Blocking View Of Miami Heat

MILWAUKEE—While attending Thursday’s first-round playoff matchup between the Miami Heat and the Milwaukee Bucks, frustrated fans repeatedly urged their hometown team to stop blocking their view of the visiting Heat squad, sources confirmed. “Hey, get out of the way!” shouted Bucks season ticket holder Gary Bolden, who later told reporters he didn’t want Milwaukee players like Monta Ellis and Ersan Ilyasova obstructing his view of Miami superstars LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Ray Allen. “Come on, I paid good money for these seats! Go to the other side of the court and stop playing defense so I can watch these guys dunk! Oh, cool, you’re letting them dunk.” At press time, Bolden was attempting to get a better look at the Miami Heat by moving to one of the many vacant seats in the largely empty Milwaukee arena.

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