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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Minnesota Lynx World's Richest WNBA Team With Value Of $4

MINNEAPOLIS—According to a report by Forbes magazine, the Minnesota Lynx are easily the WNBA’s richest franchise, boasting an estimated enterprise value of nearly four dollars. “With merchandise revenue at 29 cents and season ticket sales topping a dollar for the first time in history, the Minnesota Lynx are a financial powerhouse in the WNBA,” wrote Forbes editor Mark Furlow, who also cited a diet soda a fan bought for $1.25 in September as a major reason for the team’s record-breaking profits. “Meanwhile, the team’s brand new uniforms, together with a colorful ‘Minnesota Lynx’ sign, accounted for a whopping 74 cents in assets, helping to propel the franchise to dizzying levels of success that other WNBA teams can only dream of.” Sources also confirmed that negotiations are currently underway to renew superstar forward Seimone Augustus’ contract while keeping the Lynx under the WNBA’s 55-cent salary cap.

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