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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Minor-League Baseball Player Has No Idea Which Team's Farm System He's In Anymore

BURLINGTON, VT—Utterly disoriented after changing minor-league teams and cities several times in the past year, Vermont Lake Monsters pitcher Shane McCatty told reporters Saturday that he no longer had any idea which MLB team's farm system he belonged to. "I might have been a Washington Nationals prospect at one point," said McCatty, who was uncertain if he had been traded, promoted, or demoted by the major-league parent club. "Maybe they switched affiliations or something. Anyone's guess is as good as mine. I'm almost positive [the Lake Monsters' parent team] isn't a mammal one. And it's definitely not a bird or a sock. I was thinking the Arizona Snakes, but that doesn't really sound right, either." McCatty reportedly concluded that the smartest thing for him to do right now was to focus on throwing baseballs, which he remained confident was one of his responsibilities.

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