Miracle Baby Born With Job

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Vol 47 Issue 28

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Family

Miracle Baby Born With Job

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Following a long and difficult delivery, weary but jubilant doctors announced that at 8:23 a.m. Tuesday, area mother Cathleen Jericho had miraculously given birth to a healthy, strong, and fully employed baby boy. "We've never seen anything like this, but once we saw the resumé come out it was clear that the newborn was the VP of Sales, East Coast Division," said attending physician Dr. Bernard Hunt, who recommended the baby stay in an incubator for several nights until he was fully vested in his company's 401(k) plan. "There was some concern that he was going to have to be put on emergency unemployment for the first week, but this kid had a lot of fight in him and some great references. He'll be able to retire before the age of 6, I'm sure." While the new parents said they're just thankful their child has 10 finger and 10 toes, they later admitted they'd had their heart set on a lawyer.

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