Misinformed Man Riding Out Storm In Bathtub Filled With Batteries

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 44

Natalie Blasi

After realizing no one else was going to step up, Natalie Blasi assumed the role of the person who lets everyone in the post office line know how long they’ve all been waiting.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Energy

Misinformed Man Riding Out Storm In Bathtub Filled With Batteries

BROOKLYN, NY—Saying that “you can’t be too prepared,” Brooklyn resident and seriously misinformed man Jason Randolph told reporters today he plans to get through Hurricane Sandy by riding out the storm in a bathtub full of batteries. “With a storm of this magnitude, safety is key, so I’ve made sure I’m prepared by first filling my sink with flashlights and then climbing into a tub full of AA batteries,” the woefully misled man said as he burrowed beneath the pile of Duracells. “The more precautions you take, the better off you are. That’s why I’ve taped dozens of cans of soup to the windows and weighed down all my possessions with sandbags.” At press time, a hungry Randolph was planning to snack on some of the candles he had stocked his pantry with.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More