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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Miss America Called Before U.N. Council for Not promoting Enough World Peace

NEW YORK—Miss America 1996, 24-year-old Angela Pierce, was called into question Sunday during a special U.N. session for what many member nations believe to be her failed promise to effectively promote world peace. According to the U.N.’s special secretary for world peace-related affairs Gavin Theweles, “Your failure, Miss Pierce, to achieve world peace is in direct conflict with your stated promise to do so in the interview round of the 1995 Miss America Pageant.” Pierce, a college student from Tacoma, WA, was censured in a U.N. resolution passed by the 64-nation body. It also made reference to her other failed promises, made during the gala pageant held in Atlantic City last July, declaring that she had “not made the world a significantly safer and more loving place in which to raise her future children,” and had “only been marginally supportive of the other girls in the pageant.” The committee did, however, commend Miss America for looking elegant in evening wear.

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