adBlockCheck

Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
End Of Section
  • More News

Miss America Called Before U.N. Council for Not promoting Enough World Peace

NEW YORK—Miss America 1996, 24-year-old Angela Pierce, was called into question Sunday during a special U.N. session for what many member nations believe to be her failed promise to effectively promote world peace. According to the U.N.’s special secretary for world peace-related affairs Gavin Theweles, “Your failure, Miss Pierce, to achieve world peace is in direct conflict with your stated promise to do so in the interview round of the 1995 Miss America Pageant.” Pierce, a college student from Tacoma, WA, was censured in a U.N. resolution passed by the 64-nation body. It also made reference to her other failed promises, made during the gala pageant held in Atlantic City last July, declaring that she had “not made the world a significantly safer and more loving place in which to raise her future children,” and had “only been marginally supportive of the other girls in the pageant.” The committee did, however, commend Miss America for looking elegant in evening wear.

More from this section

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close