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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Missed Extra Point From 1979 Comes Back To Haunt Jets

CLEVELAND— Jets head coach Eric Mangini blamed "a lack of attention to detail" and the "long shadow of our franchise's historical mistakes" for Sunday's poor showing against the Browns, noting that a long-lamented missed PAT from 1979 had finally had enough of a negative effect to cause a Jets loss. "I remember when Frank Gifford was calling that game, he said that missed extra point would cost us later on," said Mangini, who said an underperforming offense was also a minor factor. "I mean, I was only 8, and the Jets beat the Dolphins 33-17, but I knew it was just a matter of time." Jets quarterback Chad Pennington said he had also felt the 27-year-old miss hanging over his head, particularly during the fourth quarter of the game and the late 1990s.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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