The Onion Weather Center delivers a very special weather report for all of our very special viewers in the Deep South, who require a little extra attention to help them understand that really big numbers mean hot temperatures.
ORANJESTAD, ARUBAIn a surprise election result, Aruban voters elected missing Alabama teen Natalee Holloway to their parliament Tuesday. "The people of Aruba know that Miss Holloway has been through hell and, possibly, back, and that means a lot to us," said Fredis Oduber, who cast his ballot for Holloway along with 87 percent of his countrymen. "Our congratulations and prayers are with her family at this time." The incumbent in Holloway's seat is expected to serve until MP-elect Holloway takes office or her body is found.