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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Missing Girl's Family Really Hates To Part With Reward

BAKERSFIELD, CA—Although abducted 8-year-old Becca Schwalls has been safely returned to her family, her parents are "sort of having second thoughts" about the $25,000 reward they offered following her July 11 disappearance. "That's kind of a lot of money," father Karl Schwalls said. "That was going to be our ATV fund... I'm thinking five grand is fair." Schwalls added that, although he is "overjoyed" to have Becca back safe and sound, he has always taught her that "a good deed is its own reward."

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