Mississippi Brings Down Yet Another National Average

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Vol 48 Issue 01

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SAN DIEGO—Following seven straight years of long hours at the office and sacrificed weekends and holidays, all of account manager Sam Hemstead's hard work and single-minded devotion to Pinnacle Automotive Insurance has finally paid off for CEO Charl...

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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Mississippi Brings Down Yet Another National Average

WASHINGTON—With a new study ranking it last among the 50 states yet again, Mississippi once more brought down the overall national average on another key quality-of-life indicator Monday. "We thought the U.S. had already hit rock bottom on [the statistical measurement of social progress]," researcher Charlie Ong said during a presentation to government officials. "But just look at this line graph before and after the data for Mississippi is added. See? Ugh." Observers noted that if you factor in truck-fixin' and waving from porches, Mississippi still does pretty good for itself.

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