adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Mississippi Brings Down Yet Another National Average

WASHINGTON—With a new study ranking it last among the 50 states yet again, Mississippi once more brought down the overall national average on another key quality-of-life indicator Monday. "We thought the U.S. had already hit rock bottom on [the statistical measurement of social progress]," researcher Charlie Ong said during a presentation to government officials. "But just look at this line graph before and after the data for Mississippi is added. See? Ugh." Observers noted that if you factor in truck-fixin' and waving from porches, Mississippi still does pretty good for itself.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close