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Missy Franklin

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Missy Franklin

Swimming — Centennial, Colorado

Favorite Musical Artist: Who cares? Really, who the fuck cares?

Accomplishment: Once swam to bottom of pool and touched grate

Special Skills: Excellent breath control during post-race interview

Biggest Inspiration: Her coach, who bends over pool at every meet, yelling, “Swim! Swim! Swim a lot! Keep swimming!”

Weaknesses: Still has to hold nose underwater like little baby

NEXT: Kim Rhode

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