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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Mitt Romney Announces He's Running For His Life

LOS ANGELES—Darting across the set of The Tonight Show to enthusiastic applause, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney announced Tuesday that he was running for his life. "Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot wait any longer," a sweating and breathless Romney said as he looked back frantically over his shoulder. "After rapidly consulting with my family, I have decided that now, more than ever, is the perfect time for me to GAAAHH!" After jumping over bandleader Kevin Eubanks and barreling his way backstage, the political candidate added, "My name is Mitt Romney and I hope to live to be Mitt Romney in 2012!"

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